On our own

My little bean and I will be out and about today. We are going to visit my sister and give her Easter gifts for the family. We are also going to have lunch in a lovely place in the city centre called “Hobbs coffee shop”.

He likes it there as he can watch buses go by as he eats. They have huge windows to look out of and he would , quite happily, sit there all day! At least it gives me a chance to get away from …..SPONGE BOB!!!

I am busy arranging the trip to Worcestershire on Monday. I am looking forward to spending some quality time out. Park attwood looks wonderful. I will take some pictures and hopefully, be able to update daily.

Well done John and Christine

Congratulations to John and Christine Sach’s Who attended a charity auction which raised £28,800 for funding McMillan nurses. That is a fantastic sum of money. The evening was a black tie event, I hope they feel proud of themselves and all who are involved as they have done very well. 

 I cannot find a link but I am going to add the script from the newspaper article to the blog.

Anyone who would like to see it, I can forward it to you.

“Inspired by the work of the heart of Kent Hospice, bidders at a charity auction pledged the most money, not for glittering prizes,but to fund MacMillan nurses.

The hospices black tie spring ball, at Turkey Mill, Maidstone, Last Friday, raised £28,800.

While bidding reached upwards of £250 per lot, the best supported item was one in which the guests were invited to donate towards the cost of MacMillan nursing.

It costs about £150 per day to fund the work of one MacMillan nurse. Auction bidders paid for 41 days. The hospice has a team of 6 MacMillan nurses and a manager who provide care for patients and their carers at the hospice and at patients home.

Jennie Hubbard, the hospice’s director of fund raising and marketing said "we are overwhelmed with everyones generosity”.

The picture with the article features John and Christine Sachs with Nicholas and Stella Roy and 

Good Friday and back to work

Well…. I hope it is a good Friday. I am feeling much better today as I spent most of the day sleeping and generally resting. I think that the nausea may be to do with what I am eating. I am going to go back to my sugar free, alcohol free diet as I didn’t feel this ill when I was doing it. I don’t care if I lose a little weight as I am over my BMI which should be 8st 7lbs and I am over 9 st, 9st 6lbs to be exact..

I will be sensible though and I do have a fairly good appetite.

I am going back to work today and will then have 2 weeks off for treatment, My GP has written me a sick note for the 2 weeks. He has been so supportive. I am grateful for having such wonderful professionals around me. I will miss my children but I think they will understand why I have to do this.

I am looking forward to it and hope my sister is ready for relaxing and doing nothing for a whole week!

Not too good

I didn’t go into work today as I have been tired and nauseous. I will go back to work tomorrow and then arrange traveling for my sister and I to go to Park Attwood clinic. I have heard such wonderful things about it and I am sure I will come back a different person. I am not expecting miracles but if it makes me feel more positive then, it has to be good. I will try and add info to the blog and will find out if they have Wi Fi.

My GP and Oncologist have been wonderful and very supportive of the treatments I want to try. that makes it so much easier to deal with.

I will be back on top tomorrow and will go to work, I am not working the weekend so will fill it with packing and spending time with my children who I will miss so much. My daughter will be taking care of Kieran, my little son and he will also be with his daddy. I am sure he will have a great time without the nagging mother around : )

Easter egg hunt

The picture above is of my son, Kieran and myself at his school easter egg hunt.

 The weather was beautiful and the children thoroughly enjoyed themselves. We had a lot of parents this year that volunteered their day to giving the children the experience of an egg hunt and it was such an honour to be able to put a little back into the immense support we have had from the school.

Park Attwood

Park attwood clinic called (Mistletoe therapy) and arranged an appointment for Monday 25th March!

I was quite surprised how soon it is. I am busy arranging the family so I can go to the clinic as I will be there for 5-7 days.

My sister will hopefully coming with me and the week after I will see Dr Callebout. 

I really hope I see a result, I know Theo won’t go away but maybe the treatment and diet will slow him down. Theo has been really noisy the last week and this seems to be disappearing now and has turned into a very mild ache. The breathlessness hasn’t left yet, I am still doing everything as normal. I had to let down a wonderful friend who had been nagging a lot of people to go out for an evening. His face was stunned when I told him i couldn’t go as I would be in Worcestershire. I felt so bad about it but I hope they go out any way. I have some really amazing friends. Don’t ever change, you are wonderful, you know who you are.

Only time will tell.

Weepy few days

I have been terribly weepy over the past few days. It started when I got the pain in my back and I think it is because I am so frightened at the moment. The pain has subsided today and I hope it continue to go.
I have been feeling so sorry for myself, I think I have bored my friends rigid.
My son has an Easter egg hunt tomorrow at his school and that will make me a little more positive.
I do try and tell myself how lucky I am as this time last year I didn’t think I would have this Easter with him. I should feel grateful but I find it so difficult as I should be looking forward to many more Easters with him.
I will add some pictures tomorrow of the Easter fun my son has.

On a more political note, Gordon Brown is considering more help for people with Plueral plaque.
I have added a link below with more info.

http://www.armleytoday.co.uk/news/PM-to-intervene-in-MP39s.3741966.jp

Contact from Dr Callebout

I have heard from Dr Callebout, I am going for an appointment with him on 4th April. I am so pleased that I have an appointment and will look forward to meeting him and starting my very strict diet.

Breakfast bunch

We all got together for breakfast. We always have a giggle and today was no acception.
We talked about the Anne Summers evening and, as you can imagine, the conversation took a different avenue than usual.
My friends are so wonderful and I look forward to the next installment!

Meal and chat

I went out to eat with my sister this evening. We had a lovely evening and ended it with a game of bingo on a machine in one of the slot machine rooms.

This is not something I usually do but I did enjoy it.

The meal was very nice, I have had a call from Dr Callebouts secretary and hope I will be seeing him soon. She left a message on my answerphone and will call back Monday. I am really hoping it is an appointment and, talking of the meal we had, I am sure I will have a very strict diet and will have to re-think what I have.

It is a small price to pay…what have I got to lose.

Donkey sanctuary

It was raining this morning and my little son was not looking forward to going out. He changed his mind when we were at the donkey sanctuary.

http://donkeysanctuary.rokkhost.com/site/2/EST_Ivybridge.html

He enjoyed himself with his friends. Helen and I met up with Julie and her children and the children all enjoyed seeing each other again as Julie’s son is at a different school.

Kieran, my son, head a donkey ride and enjoyed petting the donkey’s. I think the donkey’s enjoyed it to. I am pictured with Kieran and one of the donkeys

We all went to lunch and it was manic, 5 children and 4 adults!

The patrons of the pub will certainly remember us as the children were very excited!!!

We left there and came home, I am out this evening with my sister, we are having some time out. It has been a good day today. I thoroughly enjoyed it, having good company helps.

Reiki then lunch

I enjoyed my Reiki session and did turn my phone off!!!
Helen and I went out for lunch afterwards. We were a little early and ended up waiting outside the pub for 10 mins as it was not open until 12:00pm. The Reiki had made me so relaxed I felt like curling up like a cat and going to sleep.
We had a lovely meal and chilled out just chatting about our daily lives.
I went back home for a little and then went to see my little boy at his school for the good work assembly.
Kieran will be staying with his daddy tonight and tomorrow we are off to the donkey sanctuary with Helen and her children. There is a bring and buy there also. I have added a link to their site.

http://donkeysanctuary.rokkhost.com/site/2/EST_Ivybridge.html

Hopefully it won’t rain too much….where is the sunshine???

Good morning

I had a really good nights sleep last night. I took pain killers that the GP gave me and that seemed to calm Theo down. He is quiet this morning. I think I relieved myself of a lot of stress yesterday as tears were flowing fast and furiousy. I am going to leave going into work today, give myself a bit of space and go back on Monday.
My little boy went off to school and I will see him at his good work assembly this afternoon. He has been so proud of his top table award last week, especially as his daddy and myself were there to see him get it.
I will be meeting up with Helen soon for our healing session. I am looking forward to relaxing and chilling, with the phone off this time!

Evening antics

I went out to eat with my daughter and her boyfriend and chilled for a bit. I was discussing with her another add on in the web site. A features page which would include experts and friends detailing their involvement with Mesothelioma. I want to ask someone once a month to be the special guest to write their comments on how they feel and what they do.
I also want to add a tribute wall which will contain Mesothelioma sufferers past and present as I think we can all learn a lot from each other.

I have just returned from an Anne Summer’s party with friends. Well…..how rude they all are….it’s terrible what they talk about…..not really….it was really good fun and I think Theo enjoyed it too being the only male there. (There are no pictures for obvious reasons!!!) He seemed to calm down a little but on the way home, could be the cold, damp air, he returned. I will be giving him some knock out drops tonight and hope he starts to behave.
I won a prize at the Anne Summers evening, edible pants and they are out of date….typical!

Reiki session tomorrow with Jenny, I want to ask Jenny to be one of the first to write an article on my new features page and she can explain Reiki and what is acheived from it.
Well….off to bed now and hopefully, a good night.

No work today

I was all ready to go to work today when the tears started flowing. I have still got Theo banging away inside (Theo is my tumour) and got a little frightened this morning as I got breathless going up my steps towards my car. All silly idiot thoughts started to go through my head like, what if this is it? How will the children cope? and the biggy I don’t want to die!
I called a couple of friends as I was in a panic and got myself around to my sister who gave me a massive hug.
I made an appointment at the GP’s and waited to be called. I told him about the pain and how I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t today. He listened to my lungs and said they sound clear. That was good to hear, He gave me some pain killers for evenings as that is when it is at it’s worst and assured me that if I needed to contact him again I could. I didn’t see my GP as he was away but this one was very empathetic of my situation.
I then went into work to let my manager know what was happening and went down to sit with my old team (Even more hugs!) They are brilliant, I felt like I needed a kick up the backside to get me out of this hole.
I may go to work tomorrow or leave it now until Monday. I am finding it quite hard to deal with this and trying to get the house ready so we can move and also being a single parent for the first time. It is so hard and so very lonely. I am going to contact my Mc Millan nurse and have a chat. I am sure I will think differently tomorrow, I have a Reiki session and this time I am going to switch my phone off!!!!

Theo is here

Theo made himself known again. Since last night, I have had a mild pain in the shoulder/back and a little pain when breathing in to cough, the pain is in the usual place.
Not sure if it is a bit of fluid built up as I have had a bit of a mucky cough. I have not had any cold symptoms but the pain is very much like the pain I had before.
It isn’t so bad though as I can still go to work. I know if it gets too much I can come home.
If I find it getting worse I will see my GP.
Theo hasn’t been like this for over a year.
I hope he is just reminding me he is still there.
I will be calling Park Attwood today and that should be interesting. (link below)

http://www.parkattwood.org/

I feel really well in myself and will listen to my body and do what it tells me……to a point!!!

I am back from work and made a bit of an idiot of myself. I had a customer who just wouldn’t listen and talked down to me the whole time, like I didn’t know my job. I cracked after putting him on hold, My new team were supportive but I feel such an idiot. I rang Park Attwood and have been told that it will be a 5 - 7 day stay at the clinic and my auto-immune diseases (Alopecia- hair loss- and Hyperthyroidism-under active thyroid) may cause a problem. I will find out more when I go.
I have to get my GP and oncologist to send reports to the Dr there and then it could be arranged.
I really want to go and see if the treatment will suit me. What have I got to lose?
I came home and my son had the music chanels on. Kerrang showed 2 of my favourite bands. Foo Fighters and Muse, I watched their videos and that cheered me up. Seeing my children and having hugs made it even better.
I am so glad I was blessed with my children as they are wonderful. They keep me on track.

Breakfast club again!!

I went out this morning and met up with my friends at the cafe for our newly formed breakfast club.

It was wonderful to sit and chat and have a giggle with my friends.

I have had contact from the Park attwood clinic that provides the Mistletoe treatment and will be having a free consultation over the phone tomorrow morning.

Hopefully, this will lead to an appointment with the clinic.

I will add a blog tomorow with the result of the call.

It has been quite tiring at work today as I didn’t get to sleep until late. My little son managed to take over my bed last night.He came into mine because his much older brother was breaking wind and keeping him awake so, this morning, I returned the favour and woke his older brother up when we got up.

Tonight it will be the older onje waiting for the younger one to sleep.

I love my family.

News at last

I have at last heard from Dr Callebout’s office.

http://www.canceractive.com/page.php?n=378

I left between 4 and 6 voice messages as I have not heard about the referral.
I contacted Derrifird hospital as I had heard nothing f4rom them either. Apparently, the address the oncologist sent the refferal to was the old address. That has now hopefully been amended and I will hear very soon about an appointment.
I will be going to the next breakfast club meeting tomorrow morning and it is wonderful. it has allowed me to keep in touch with friends that I thought I would lose touch with because I have changed my hours.
Thanks Julie, this was such a great idea, I will see if I can persuade my wonderful friends to have a picture taken for the website.

Catch up

Out of respect for Michel and Tony, I didn’t add any diary entries as the blogs were about them and not me.
My Friday morning was so busy. I went in to get some new trendy galsses from spec savers as I know I should go there!
I rushed into the city centre as I had a reiki session at 10:00am.
I got there around 9:20am only to be told that the glasses were not in yet. They will be available on the 11th…gggrrrr ….I was so cross as I could have saved myself the journey if they had called.
The second incident was that I picked my friend,Helen, up from outside my house and we made our way to Derriford Hospital where the sessions are.
I was safe in the knowledge that my son could make his own way to a job interveiw without bothering me…..Wrong!
I was 10 minutes into my reiki session with thoughts dissappearing from my mind and a little voice saying “you should have swirched your phone off” when….it happened, first the text and then the call. He had missed the bus, and could I take him.
Being mum, I got off the relaxation bed and apologised to Jenny, the therapist, and asked her to let Helen know I would be back and raced off to take my son for his interveiw at Orange.
We got there although he was a little late.
At least I had 10 minutes I suppose and I am glad that he made the effort to let me know rather than lie and not go.
Well….hopefully, there will be a session next week, if I can get the time off.
After picking up Helen, we went for lunch with Julie and talked about all the woes in our lives.
I then went to my little son’s school and watched as He was awarded the top dinner table reward.
His table won for being polite and helpful. I was so proud of him. I took him and his daddy back to his daddy’s house as he is there for the weekend.
I am so glad I am able to be this normal…..is it so great and makes me feel alive!!!

Remembering Tony

Pat and Tony have been very supportive to me with all aspects of Mesothelioma. They have been very loyal since the website started, sending links and giving information about treatments that has been passed on to many others.

Tony has been through such a hard struggle and has battled through all that was thrown at him.

Unfortunatley he was so tired, he passed away yesterday morning. My thoughts and heart felt condolences go out to his family.

Without Pat and Tony, there are so many things I would never have learned. Tony was a very special person who never gave up. His battle will go on within all of us and I am sure I can say that, on behalf of all sufferers going through this, we will carry his memory with us as we fight this injustice.

This is not a knockback. I want Tony’s family to know that his life will not be forgotten.

I will light a candle for him this evening and one for Michel and remember them with love and absolute pride.

I am proud to dedicate this blog to Tony.

Michel in Italy

It’s a bit of a sombre blog today. I have been speaking to a lady in Italy who had 2 sons.
One of them died of Mesothelioma a few years ago as he worked with asbestos. Her second son, Michel, picked up the fibres through his brothers clothes and contracted it.

Unfortunatley,Michel, her second son, died yesterday.
She is obviously devistated and I will pay her a visit when she comes back to England.
This is so terrible as he had fought so hard to beat this disease.
He didn’t lose, he was tired and is now at peace after such a long haul. The battle still continues within everyone who has this. The awareness has to be done i n memory of Michel and all those who have been taken prematurly by Mesothelioma.
My thoughts are with Sue, the lady in Italy and Michel’s wife and family. This blog is dedicacted to them today.

Here's Johnny

Well….what a day off….. I got up this morning and decided it was time the partition in our sitting room came down as I wanted to put it back as a lounge diner.

My son, Richard, found some man tools and tore into it. We had some fun when he picked up the hammer and said “Here’s Johnny”. He looks more threatening than he is.

Later, after I had gone to lunch with a friend, I came back to finish what we had started. My daughters boyfriend joined in and it is his hand pictured looking menacing as it breaks through the wall.

Day off tomorrow

I have got tomorrow ff and will be having lunch with my friend and also look into getting started on the decorating in my house. My son has an interveiw next week for a job.
Hopefuly he will keep this one!
I had a foot massage at my son’s school tis morning. Not sure if I would have had time to go there as I start work at 11:00am now but i managed to squeeze in the foot massage and get to work on time.
I have another rieki session on Friday morning which I am looking forward to.
I have been sent som einfo on the Park Attwood clinic and am looking into it. Still no news from Dr Callebout. I am going to ring my oncologist tomorrow to see what the status is.
I read Karen’s blog yesterday ( www.thefurrymonkey.co.uk ) and it is so sad that she has to go through so much pain when I don’t have any. Dawn is the same ( www.wigstowishes.org.uk ) I cnsider myself so lucky not to have the pain, I wish I had a magic wand to reove their pain as they are such inspirational ladies. No one should have to go through it.

Breakfast Club!

I went out for breakfast with 3 of my very good friends today. It is the 2nd time I have done it and it really starts the day well. We meet up in a little caf'e near my work place and have a coffee, breakfast and a chat. After wards , we all go our seperate ways. I went off to work as I start at 11:00am now. I have added a photo and we all look like we had a good time. It is 10:15am and we are all smiles. Thanks Tina, Jules and Helen you are such great tonics.

I look forward to our next breakfast together!

Is Thalidomide a cure for Mesothelioma?

Heather sent a link to me which I am adding, it is concerning the drug, Thalidomide, which was banned a few years ago as it created deformaties in babies when mothers took it as an anti morning sickness drug. It is now being used to treat Mesothelioma with some really good results.
It is good to see that some resaerch is being done but what all Meso patients want is a cure or something to slow down the growth.
Click on the linkbelow for more information.

http://www.asbestosnews.com/blog/

Another treatment that has had a good result is Mistletoe injections. This works alongside a very strict vegan diet.
I have added a link below for that as well.

http://www.parkattwood.org/pages/mistletoe.html

Any more links found will be added to the site and please talk to your oncologist before commiting to any alternative treatments as some may interfere with Conventional treatments.

BBC link from Kent

I am quickly adding a link before I go to work. This is about John Sachs who I met at the Meso uk patient and carer day last year.
He had his lung removed which is a very drastic operation and its good to see how well he looks in the clip.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediaselector/check/player/nol/newsid_7260000/newsid_7267300?redirect=7267336.stm&news=1&nbwm=1&nbram=1&bbwm=1&bbram=1 >

Action Meso day

Action Meso day was a great success. The meeting was well attended and Jackie Lowe explained about the Roger Lowe campaign and what it stood for. She also introduced the professionals who attended. A specialist nurse, benefits expert, NHS cancer support stand and solicitors. It was good to meet Suzanne, Fluffy the cats mum, who has been a very helpful supplier of information to this site. She gave me 3 beautiful dragonfly window ornaments which I absolutley love, Thanks Suzanne.
The tree planting was charming with Jackie’s son and her sister, Tracey’s daughter planting snowdrops beneath the newly planted tree.

After the event, I scrambled off to Orange were the canteen staff had done a great job of selling cookies, pin ribbons and decorated the area with red and white balloons and serviettes.

Even the biscuits had balloons on them. Kaz Evans, the canteen manager, had been very supportive of the cause. I set up the raffle prizes and sold tickets at £1 per strip and made over £100. The grand total has yet to be finalised.

Good morning sunshine

The sun is shining in the window and is marking a change in my life. I am now, officially, a single parent. My ex moved out last week and this is my first morning (of many I hope) of the rest of my life. My little boy has adjusted well to the change although it is very early to tell yet. He spent the weekend with his daddy and is seeing him again today. His daddy and I have a very amicable arrangement and this helps a lot with what everything else going on in my life. I have still not heard from Dr Calleboute, he is an alternative therapist who focuses on diet as part of the cancer treatment, I will be ringing my oncologist this week to find out what the update is. Dr Calleboute is in Harley Street and has a very good reputation.

I am busy also, oraganising a raffle in my workplace. My colleagues are very supportive, the canteen manager has been very helpful and will be selling cookies in aid of Action Mesothelioma day and Mick Knighton fund. This is to raise money for much needed research into this disease as Mesothelioma is one of the cancers that, at present, has no cure.

Gordon Ramsey

I am waiting on news from my friend that Gordon Ramsey will sign a book for us to raise funds. Hopefully, what will happen is we will find the winner and the book will have a personal signature to the winner from Gordon Ramsey.

If this happens it will be great as I have been thinking of having an auction to raise funds.

first week over

The first week on my new shift is over. It has been really good and the team are great. I am now gearing up for Action mesothelioma day which is on Wednesday. I will be attending the tree planting with many of my friends. I will hopefully be covered in the media and will give Mesothelioma and asbestos awareness the coverage it needs.
There are so many people either affected by this disease or know some one who is.
I have spoken to so many men who have said they had worked with it and that they had rolled the asbestos up and threw it around like snowballs or played football with it. I expect my dad did that, not knowing how dangerous it was. If he had known, I don’t think he would never had taken the job.
Now that the awareness is out in the public domain, it needs to be exposed so everyone who comes across it has the knowledge of how dangerous it is.

Update on Meso day

My new team have been so welcoming, I still miss the old team but I have made so many friends who will become longtime friends that it makes it so much easier to deal with. I hope I stay on this team for a while and get to know them as well as the last one.
Back to the issue in hand.

27th February Action Mesothelioma Day

Saltram House 10:30am
Tree planting in memory of all those families affected by Mesothelioma and those who have lost their lives to it.
There will also be a free walk in clinic in the Fennamore Room which will include a specialist nurse, benefits expert and solicitors.
There will be a short film. (it is the film that the 5 students made in October)
Hopefully all will go well with showing it.
see link below for more information
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/rogerloweforum/210

Below is all other events happening.

Mick Knighton Fund
Gateshead Civic Center
Regent Street
Gateshead

27th February 2008
10.30am - 4.00pm
Registration and Coffee 10.00am
If you wish to attend the conference please return the attendance form
http://www.mickknightonmesorf.org/actionMeso3.html

June Hancock Fund
The West Room,
Leeds Civic Hall,
Leeds
10.45am - 12.30pm
http://www.junehancockfund.org/news30.htm
Rory O'neill (editor of Hazards magazine)will be attending

HASAG
12.30
Guildhall Square
Portsmouth
Followed by1.00pm
Portsmouth Guildhall
PUBLIC MEETING
http://www.hasag.co.uk/amd.php

Cheshire Asbestos victims support group
12:00pm
Public MeetingLiverpool town hall
http://www.cavsg.co.uk/cavsg_news15.htm

East London Mesothelioma support
10:30am - 1:00pm
Coffee morning
Mayors parlour
Newham Town Hall
12:30pm Balloon release
for more information,
contact Eileen, 07960222997

Western General Hospital Edinburgh
Clydeside Action on Asbestos
Between 5:30pm and 8:30pm
Asbestos related Lung cancer and Mesothelioma Conference
For more information please contact
Diane Borthwick on 0131 537 1767 or Phyllis Craig on 0141 552 8852

British Lung Foundation
http://www.lunguk.org/media-and-campaigning/campaigns/actionmesothelioma.htm

Another restless night

It is 3:34am and once again the insomnia has kicked in. I have so many things going through my head at the moment. My ex moves out on Thursday which means I will become a one parent family and that is something that is going to be difficult although the ex is very supportive with Kieran. I now have to get my house decorated to sell. I am worried that it won’t sell as the buying market is so slow at the moment. I just want to get settled and enjoy what I have left with my children. (I am hoping for many years ahead)
Kieran is my biggest worry as I am always thinking about how he will cope and my older 2 children will struggle with it also but they have got to an age where they are more indepedant than Kieran is. That doesn’t mean it is going to be easy for them as it isn’t. They never mention the subject and I can understand why, I find it hard at times to come to terms with it as I should not even be going through this.

I had a lovely breakfast with my friends yesterday, before I went to work. It was a good start to the day. Still no word from the Dr Callebout camp. I will ring my oncologist next week and find out what is happening.
I will have to try and get some sleep as I have to work tomorrow.

New team

I started my new hours at work today. My new team seem very nice. My old team got me a little gift, a little dragonfly brooch. It is really pretty. I will miss them although we will still be socialising together.

I have got some organising to do with the raffle in work. I am collecting prizes for the raffle and will hopefully get some awareness in work. The canteen will be selling biscuits in aid of Action Mesothelioma day.

All details are listed in other diary entries below.

 Chris Knighton has sent some pins to sell for £1 each.

Anyone wanting pins can contact Chris at CKnighton-mkmrf@btconnect.com

My little boy has settled into his routine again. He is back at school and tomorrow he is a waiter at the little cafe the school are holding. They are making pancakes and selling them to raise funds for the school.

I am sure he will be a wonderful waiter.

He's back today....yahoo!!!

My little boy comes back home today. He has been in London with his daddy and his grand parents for a week and I have missed him so much.
I can’t wait to see him.
I am back to work tomorrow and starting a new shift. the 3 on 3 off shift has changed to 5 x 8 hour days starting at 11:ooam in the morning which will be a lot easier to cope with.
I treated myself to an Apple Mac laptop today. I was going to buy a new one that had an intergrated webcam but it was £20 more to get a Mac so that is what I did.

Can't sleep

It is 2:24am and for some reason I am unable to sleep, so I decided to weigh myself this morning!!
I wieghed myself on 18th January and was 9 st exactly, I had lost 1 stone in 4 months and I think that was to do with the no dairy, no sugar, no alchohol and no yeast diet. I did the diet solid for 8 weeks and my oncologist wasn’t happy that I had lost weight. I now weigh 9 st 6 ¾ lbs which means that it was the diet that made me lose weight and not the illness. That is good news. I am still careful where sugar is concerned and have gone back to my odd glass of beer/wine. I have given up on the yeast diet as I missed bread. I didn’t like the bread without yeast and appreciate that I have the choice as some don’t have that luxury.
I had some good recipe ideas from Alan in Derbyshire and am trying to pursuade him to write his own cook book, I don’t think he will. He has got me eating avocado pears and I bought some for the first time and got myself some lemon juice to sprinkle on them.
(Alan, I have put them under my bananas ! )
He also had me eating peppers and celery which I am not keen on.
I do miss his soups and Heather’s juices though.
I am changing my shifts at work next week. I won’t be doing the 12 hour day anymore it will be 8 hours and I will be moving teams and will have a new manager.
I will miss my team and hope my new team are as wonderful and supportive as they were, Thanks guys.
The next big thing will be decorating and I have many volunteers who have offered to help me, It should be fun!

Action Mesothelioma day Information

Mick Knighton Fund
Gateshead Civic Center
Regent StreetGateshead
27th February 2008
10.30am - 4.00pm
Registration and Coffee 10.00am
If you wish to attend the conference please return the attendance form
http://www.mickknightonmesorf.org/actionMeso3.html

June Hancock Fund
The West Room,
Leeds Civic Hall,
Leeds
10.45am - 12.30pm
http://www.junehancockfund.org/news30.htm
Rory O'neill (editor of Hazards magazine)will be attending

HASAG
12.30
Guildhall Square
Portsmouth
Followed by1.00pm
Portsmouth Guildhall
PUBLIC MEETING
http://www.hasag.co.uk/amd.php

Roger Lowe Asbestos Mesothelioma Campaign
Memorial tree planting
Saltram House
Plymouth
10:30am for 11:00am start
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/rogerloweforum/210

Cheshire Asbestos victims support group
12:00pm
Public MeetingLiverpool town hal
lhttp://www.cavsg.co.uk/cavsg_news15.htm

East London Mesothelioma support
10:30am - 1:00pm
Coffee morning
Mayors parlour
Newham Town Hall
12:30pm Balloon release
for more information, contact Eileen, 07960222997

Western General Hospital Edinburgh
Clydeside Action on Asbestos
Between 5:30pm and 8:30pm
Asbestos related Lung cancer and Mesothelioma Conference
For more information please contact
Diane Borthwick on 0131 537 1767 or Phyllis Craig on 0141 552 8852

British Lung Foundation
http://www.lunguk.org/media-and-campaigning/campaigns/actionmesothelioma.htm

Rieki Session

I have got another Rieki session this morning and I am taking my friend , Helen with me so she can enjoy it too.
I am catching up on all the housework as well.
I am missing my little boy like crazy, he is back from London on Sunday and it wil be good to see him.

The Reiki session was so relaxing, It was so relaxing that I am sure I fell asleep, like the last time.
I was having some thoughts about the website as well while a lay on the bed listening to the sounds of the river and the birds singing.
I also met the specialist nurse, I haven’t seen her since my diagnosis. She was suprised to see how well I looked and said she would be at the Action Mesothelioma meeting on 27th Feb to answer questions anyone had.
I went for lunch with my friend, Helen, afterwards and spent most of the day with her.
All in all it has been a very good day. I hpe I have many more like that.

Valentines day

I bought a card and chocolates for my children today. I have done this every year for so long now that I can’t remember when I started it. I find it is more poigniant now and make sure that they know how much I love them.

I went into work to ask if they would make biscuits to sell in aid of Acton Mesothelioma day and got a great big yes which was good.

I am also going to hold a raffle which will be within the workplace but I will be selling tickets outside.

All details for Action Mesothelioma day are in the diary entry below.

In Plymouth we are having a memorial Tree palnting which will be in memory of all those lost to this disease.

Mermaid hair...the new anti cancer drug?

It was reported in the newspaper yesterday that a new anti cancer drug has been found in cyanobacteria L. Majuscula, also known as “mermaid’s hair.

I have added the link for more information.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/96938.php

Just a quick reminder for anyone interested, ther will be a memorial tree planting ceremony at Saltram House, Plymouth on 27th February 2008 for action Mesothelioma day. It will be a 10:30 gathering for 11:00am start.
There will aslo be a drop in for anyone wishing to talk to solicitors or the Lowe family who have organised the event (Roger Lowe Asbestos Mesothelioma Campaign)
Other events taking place are listed below.

Mick Knighton Fund
Gateshead Civic Center
Regent Street
Gateshead
27th February 2008
10.30am - 4.00pm
Registration and Coffee 10.00am
If you wish to attend the conference please return the attendance form
http://www.mickknightonmesorf.org/actionMeso3.html

June Hancock Fund
The West Room,
Leeds Civic Hall,
Leeds
10.45am - 12.30pm
http://www.junehancockfund.org/news30.htm
Rory O'neill (editor of Hazards magazine)
will be attending

HASAG
12.30
Guildhall Square
Portsmouth
Followed by
1.00pm
Portsmouth GuildhallP
PUBLIC MEETING
http://www.hasag.co.uk/amd.php

Roger Lowe Asbestos Mesothelioma Campaign
Memorial tree planting service
Saltram House
Plymouth
10:30 for 11:00am start
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/rogerloweforum/210

Cheshire Asbestos victims support group
12:00pm Public Meeting
Liverpool town hall
http://www.cavsg.co.uk/cavsg_news15.htm

Back home

I travelled back home today and was sorry to Leave Heather and Alan who have been wonderful. I now have new friends and I hope we keep in touch for a long time.
No appointment from Dr Callebout at the moment, it was good to see my daghter and found that my son had gone camping on Dartmoor for the night. It must be freezing!!!
these few days have gone so fast.
Next agenda is Action Mesothelioma day and I hope it gets the coverage and attention it should as so many people put so much energy into awareness.

Action Mesothelioma day Plymouth

Jackie Lowe and the Lowe family will be having a memorial tree planting service to commemorate the workers and their families affected by Mesothelioma.
The service will be at 10:30am for 11:00am start at
Saltram house, Plymouth.
The link below will give more information.

www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/rogerloweforum

When I have more information I will add it.
Jackie Lowe can be contacted through her Email.

LJacks2020@aol.com

Dancing on ice!

The sun was up again this morning with a chill in the air. We went into Matlock centre and I bought some magnets for my sister, I am sure her fridge will crumble under the weight!!!

We went into the park and part of the lake was frozen. To our amusement, some of the ducks were on the ice and were trying to steady themselves while racing to get pieces of bread, thrown by the children observing them, before their mate got it.

It is so charming here. A beautiful part of Britain. No wonder it is chosen for the back drop of many films.

I will be getting packed to go home this evening and will be sad to leave as it has been all I expected it to be.

I have to say the Heather and Alan have been wonderful hosts and have not dissappointed me in any way, I hope we stay friends for a very long time and that one day I can return their kindness.

Chatsworth countryside

The sun came beaming through the window this morning inviting us out to enjoy it.

What a beautiful day again, we went to Chatsworth and the old flour mill and took a slow, calm walk within the area. There were deer on a hill, resting in the sunshine, birds singing and sheep slowly strolling across the road and not having a care about who they stopped. This is idilic, it is so tranquil and very theraputic.

I bought some apricots and prunes in the local Julian Graves store and as I spent more than £5, recieved a free gift. With a confused look on her face, the woman serving me had a confused look on her face passed me the gift……wait for it……JUGGLING BALLS ! !

We were amused by that.

Action Mesothelioma Day 2008

Below are contacts for Action Mesothelioma day 2008.

Debbie Brewer

Phu_phita@hotmail.com

Kimberley Stubbs

June Hancock Mesothelioma Research Fund

kimike91@yahoo.co.uk

Rory O'neill, Editor of Hazards Online Magazine, will be attending the Leeds meeting organised by Kimberley.
Congratulatons to Rory and the team who won the Workworld Media Award which is the highest accolade for workplace journalism. (They beat the BBC !)
http://www.hazards.org/index.htm

Chris knighton (who is selling white ribbons £1 each)

Mick Knighton Mesothelioma Research Fund

cknightonmkmrf@btconnect.com

Jackie Lowe

http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/links

LJacks2020@aol.com

Lynne Squibb and Diane McLellan

www.hasag.co.uk/diane@hasag.co.uk

Cheshire and Merseyside

http://www.cavsg.co.uk/cavsg_news15.htm

Arrived saftley

I travelled to Derbyshire today. It has been a beautiful day, the sun shining, the traffic wasn’t bad at all.

I met Heather and Alan at their house, which is amazing!, and the country side is stunning.

They took me to Ogston water park where the twichers hang out!

The picture is a line of ducks swimming across the lake.

My daughter text me later in the evening to tell me that my son’s mobile phone had fallen in the toilet. They found this highly amusing and they will be entertaining themselves with this all week no doubt!!

A busy day chilling!

I had lunch with my daughter this afternoon and spent some quality time with her, something I haven’t done for a few weeks.
We enjoyed our afternoon and later I went to see my sister and ended up spending quality time with her as well.
I has bee a lovely day, The sun has been shining, making everyone feel a bit happier.
I am looking forward to seeing Heather and Alan tomorrow. We will discuss all sorts of things which will be good. It will be so easy to speak to someone who knows what is going on in my head. I think they are looking forward to it as well.
When I come back, I will be adding events for Action Mesothelioma day as a lot will be taking place across the country.
Hopefully our voices will be louder and our feet heavier when we stamp to get ourselves noticed.

Anyone interested in raising awareness and/or funds can contact

Debbie Brewer
Phu_phita@hotmail.com

Kimberley Stubbs
June Hancock Mesothelioma Research Fund

kimike91@yahoo.co.uk

Rory O'neill, Editor of Hazards Online Magazine, will be attending the Leeds meeting organised by Kimberley.

Congratulatons to Rory and the team who won the Workworld Media Award which is the highest accolade for workplace journalism. (They beat the BBC !)

http://www.hazards.org/index.htm

Chris knighton (who is selling white ribbons £1 each)
Mick Knighton Mesothelioma Research Fund

cknighton-mkmrf@btconnect.com

JackieLowe
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/links

LJacks2020@aol.com

Lynne Squibb and Diane McLellan
http://www.hasag.co.uk/

diane@hasag.co.uk

Cheshire and Merseyside

http://www.cavsg.co.uk/cavsg_news15.htm

Packed and ready

I took my little boy and my ex to the railway station this morning as they are going to London for a few days.

I will miss my little bean very much but he loves going to his grandparents but most of all he loves the railway station. He will be living it up today as he is going first class with his daddy.

I am nearly ready to go as well. The sun is shining and with some of the house work done, I can start to relax a little and make sure there is nothing I forget.

I am still planning what to do on 27th Feb (action Mesothelioma day) and am looking for a local (or any) Celebrityto support us.

I hope it becomes a very successful day.

Another site from Pat and Tony

Pat and Tony search the web for any information about Meso as do many others that veiw this site.
The link below is a support and information site.

http://www.marf.org/

It also has a tribute wall which is something I want for my site. I spoke to my daughter about it before Christmas and as she is so busy, she has not got around to doing it.
Hope the link is helpful.
Thanks Pat and Tony.

3 days over.

My 3 days have finished and I am off to Derbyshire for a few days.

I met Heather and Alan Foot at the Mesothelioma Patient and Carer day last year and they were very supportive and invited me to visit at any time.

As I have had a rocky few weeks I have decided to take them up on their offer and am looking forward to seeing them.

I will be taking them laptop and will carry on with the blogs.

I will be changing my hours at work…11am till 7pm which will help with the little one.

I hope we have good weather although Heather say t is cold there so bring some winter woolies.

Chris Knighton is selling badges to raise money towards meso research and British Lung Foundation.

She is sending me some to sell.

Anyone interested in raising awareness and/or funds can contact
Kimberley Stubbs
June Hancock Mesothelioma Research Fund

kimike91@yahoo.co.uk

Chris knighton (who is selling white ribbons £1 each)
Mick Knighton Mesothelioma Research Fund

cknighton-mkmrf@btconnect.com

Jackie Lowe
http://www.prospect.org.uk/healthandsafety/rogerlowecampaign/index

LJacks2020@aol.com

Sullen day

I have had a good day in work with my work mates and finished my 12 hour shift. I am feeling very tired and tearful. I am also felt angry because I have this disease. Everytime I see my children I wonder how long I have with them.
It breaks my heart to have to think about leaving them as I want them to know if it was my decision I would stay. I have to try and do all I can to make my stay as long as possible. Ideally I would like to have another 20 years but that is asking for too much. I have done better than the first oncologist expected as he felt I was finished within 6-9 months and that was back in December 2006.
I am feeling so choked while writing this. Why did I have to get this? What have I ever done that is so bad to deserve this? Nobody in the world should have to go through what myself and many others are going through, and I mean that with any terminal illness.
It is a nightmare, sometimes I can, quite happily, go on for weeks and not think about Theo but other times it hits me in the heart.
I feel so low at the moment and need to get back to my usual positive self.

Cosmos Feedback
I had a letter from Cosmos concerning my Lapland holiday and they have dismissed the complaint for a second time, telling me that I should have taken their offer of a 200 vocher towards their holiday and not taking into consideration my health or why we went there in the first place. I am still pursuing it and will not give up.
I will write another letter and get intouch with the hiararchy that run this sham of a business.

Changes at work

I maybe changing my hours at work. This will be good as I was going to discuss this with my Manager as I will be a single parent soon. My ex is moving out on 21s Feb and I needed to sort out my hours to work around my son.
I am not sure yet what hours are available.
I am organising a raffle at work in ad of Action Mesothelioma day which is on 27th Feb 2008.

HOORAY!!! We are back online!!

The website is back…..HOORAY!!!

Apologies for the loss, it was to do with the server.

All sorted now hopefully. Thank you to all the emails informing me of the loss and what a shame that some thought it was their computer systems.

All seems ok now and we can get back to sire and updates.

Pancake day

I spent the day in Exeter today with my friend Tina. We had a real girly shopping day and did indulge in a shopping spree.

It was a very enjoyable day with thoughts far away from our daily issues.

When I got home I made pancakes, it was great fun, hence the photo!

I have been in touch with Jackie Lowe and she is organising a tree planting to coinside with Action Mesothelioma day on 27th Feb 2008.

We will hopefuly have a lot of coverage with TV and newspaper media involved.

Apologies for the delay with the site as there is a problem at present.

Web site still down

So sorry for any inconvenience. I have been told that :

We’re currently experiencing problems with the server your website is hosted on: web10, IP: 213.230.203.86.For the last four days it has been unstable. We have been unable to resolve the instability and over the last five hours the instability has intensified. The server is only able to stay online for a maximum of four minutes after a reboot before then crashing again.
We have tried to eliminate possible causes, ranging from new drivers in use and disabling other system functions that are not necessary for normal operation.Unfortunately our efforts have not been successful.We’re now putting into place Plan B. This involves moving the HDD’s into another machine and trying to boot on new hardware. We’ll be in a position to try this within the next thirty minutes (the drives are in the process of being moved).If this were to fail and the machine is unable to boot, even on completely new hardware, bar the disks, we will move on to Plan C. This involves restoring accounts on a new machine from the most recent backup.

I apologise unreservedly for the problem with web10 and I hope those clients affected can understand the situation we’re in and that we are trying everything in our power to resolve it. We will keep you updated during the next few hours, and are trying our best to restore normal service as soon as possible.

It’s all gobbledee gook to me but I am not technical. So that is the reason.
Hopefully website will be back on line in the next 24 hours.

200th post and Website problems

There is a problem at the moment with the Server, If you can read the blogs then sorry for the inconvenience and normal service will be resumes ASAP.

Any way, this is the 200th post and no one can see it!!!

So I will celebrate on my own….

Good news for a change

I have heard from my oncologist who has agreed to refer me to Dr Callebout in London.
I will have to wait for an appointment to come through but this is very positive news.

Tribute to Victor Lamb

Tribute to Victor Lamb

I am including Victor Lamb in the blog today. Victor unfortunatley lost his battle with Mesothelioma on 21st January 2008. He fought for Alimta as he was told he could not have it but it unfortunatley came too late. The primary health cares in England do have to look at what they are doing to people who want the drug as it is ther last hope.

My heart goes out to Victor’s family at this very painful time.
I am dedicating todays blog in Victor’s memory.

Thank you

I want to say a big thank you to the five students who came to my house last year to make a short documentary about Mesothelioma and asbestos exposure. I have watched the 10 min DVD they made and it was very moving and poigniant. It put across the message that this cancer should have been prevented and how wrong work places were and still are in some places to expose their work force to this deadly mineral. They are hopefully going to put it into a festival as they have had very good feedback from their tutors.

Good luck guys you deserve it and I would like to thank you also for the beautiful Dragonfly ornament that will hang on a wall. It is lovely and will take pride of place in my new house.

I hope you succeed in your quest to highlight this disease and also to get your work noticed as you have a great future ahead.

I called Dr Callebout’s office today and am waiting for a call back. I have also found that my oncologist can refer me and I can use my private health care to fund any treatments.
I will now have to hope that my oncologist will refer me.

I rang a lady called Pat today. Her husband, Tony has been very ill (not with the Mesothelioma)but seems to be getting better every day and she was telling me about another cancer clinic in the Bahamas which may be of interest to some people. They are going out there for 8 weeks.

To Tony and Pat,
Have a great time, relax and enjoy the sunshine.

The link below gives more information about the clinic they are visiting.

http://www.cancure.org/iat_clinic.htm

I am adding a quote from the site :

“Best results have been obtained with mesothelioma, bladder, kidney, colon, lung, myelomas, ovarian, and prostate cancer. Inflammatory cancers and skin metastases, as well as some forms of other cancers have had variable results. Even some non-Hodgkin’s and Hodgkin’s lymphoma cases have been successfully treated here”.

It looks very interesting and the more I read up about cancer treatments, the more information seems to point to immune therapy.

If anyone does decide to go this way, please be aware that if you are receiving treatment you should talk to your oncologist before venturing out into different areas. Also this information is that. It is information and doesn’t intend to support or convince anyone to do it. What you are reading is how I feel and should make your own judgement about treatments.

I went to lunch today with a couple of very good friends, I forgot all about it until my friend, Julie, text me to remind me. I am so wrapped up in my own misery at the moment but am gradually rising out of it.

I showed off my new eyebrows and my friends were impressed.
I will try Dr Calebout again and will hopefully get the approval of my oncologist, after all, what else have I got left.

New Eyebrows!

I had my eyebrow tattoos done this morning and I have to say, they are amazing. The tattoo looks like real hairs and is absolutley stunning. Iwas very impressed when Teresa, the therapist, had finished.
She has done a fabulous job. I have to go back in 4 weeks to finish it as the colour lightens.
I am so amazed by how realistic they look. No more drawing uneven lines on my face…out go the eyebrow pencils!
I would reccommend to anyone who has lost their eyebrows to consider it. It is expensive but I think it is money well spent.
I will try and add a decent picture of them.

Reply from Cosmos
I had a reply from Cosmos due to my complaint about our trip to Lapland. They seem to have dismissed all I have said and insulted me by offering me a voucher for £200 towards a holiday with …..wait for it…..COSMOS!
They have to be kidding me. I rang them and said I was not excepting the voucher and I was told to write another letter to them detailing what I wasn’t happy with in their letter. I advsed them that as I have terminal cancer, I don’t want the stress and time spent on another letter when they have all the details in front of them. The girl on the phone asked if it was about the money, no it isn’t, it is about the loss of some very special memories.
They were supposed to call me back but alas…that hasn’t happened.
I have contacted BBC watchdog and will see what happens now.
It is disgraceful that they can take money from people who are trying to build memories for their children and dismiss any problems that arise.
Any family that takes a trip to Lapland do it for one reason only, to remember their holiday. It is like Disneyworld Florida, I wish I had taken them there for Christmas now as we would have had a much better time. I am not giving up on this complaint and will add it to the blog when I get an answer.

Dentists went very well…..toothache will hopefully go now. I didn’t get the paralysed feeling down the side of my face which was a suprise but I was told by the dentist that the bottom right side will be more of a paralysis when I have it done.
I bought myself some “flossing Harps” from Tescos. They are like little saws and are used instead of the flossing cord. They look more resiliant than the cord.
Tomorrow is the eyebrow tattooing.
That should be interesting.
: )

Coffee morning

I am going to my to a coffee morning at my son’s school today. We meet every Wednesday and chat about issues concerning us and also have an expert in certain fields to chat and give the parents a chance to ask questions.
Last week it was reflexology and I had a 10 min foot massage.
I enjoyed lunch with my friends yesterday. It was good to catch up with them and their busy lives. Today is dentists day when I get this toothach sorted out (hopefully)
It has been driving me bananas for the past week.
It has been quite busy this week as I have been helping the ex store his property in a storage unit as he will be moving out on 21st. He is a bit of a horder so has quite a lot to sort out.
Kieran seems to be coping well with it.
Theo seems to have taken on board what I have said as there has been no more pain or breathlessness than usual. I am really hoping that my B17 kicks him where it hurts to teach him a lesson. I have ordered a cook book….it has a great title…The Little Cyanide Cookbook !!
It is not a book about wiping out the other half but a book that contains recipes rich in vitamin B17 and should be an interesting read.
B17 is the ground up kernels of an apricot and it does contain cyanide.
More about B17 in the link below.

http://www.canceractive.com/page.php?n=512

http://home.bluegrass.net/~jclark/b17_dosage.htm

The information contained in the links is for advice only and the patient should be aware that any treatments may affect the B17 and vice versa, Always talk to your oncologist/GP before taking any medication especially if you are receiving treatment.

Sweeney Todd

I had my Reiki session this afternoon which was very relaxing. I am sure I fell asleep twice!
I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep afterwards.
I have booked another session in February with my friend, Helen, again.

I went out this evening with some friends and saw the new Johnny Depp film “Sweeney Todd - The Demon barber of Fleet Street” It was brilliant, Johnny Depp sang throughout the film which was very good. He has a very pleasant voice. It was more of a musical but no dancing. The actors were great, Alan Rickman, (another of my favourites) Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G to all who don’t know his real name) and Helena Bonham Carter and Timothy Spall. It was the usual dark, bleak Tim Burton style and suited the story very well. There was an unexpected twist at the end. One thing though, if you don’t like blood spurting everywhere, you won’t like the film. Shame that Danny Elfman didn’t do the music for this film as he has done most of the others, saying that, the music was very good.

I feel I am getting back to my normal state of mind now, more positive, and not letting the rantings of an oncologist get to me and also I have put on nearly 3lb since the 18th Jan.
Not bad for someone who is supposed to have lost weight due to illness.
I am proving to myself that I lost weight due to diet rather than ill health.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to the oncologist after July as if all he can spout out is negativity and cannot do anymore for me I would rather not hear it and get on with my life. I know I feel well and don’t need added stress with negative comments.

Immune therapy info

Dawn, who appeared on the mummy diaries has sent me a couple of links concerning Immune therapy

http://www.admin.ox.ac.uk/po/news/2005-06/oct/21a.shtmlhttp://www.immunemedicine.com/dendritic-cell-therapy.asp

http://www.admin.ox.ac.uk/po/news/2005-06/oct/21a.shtmlhttp://www.immunemedicine.com/dendritic-cell-therapy.asp

I hope this is helpful.

Dawn’s website is http://www.wigstowishes.org.uk/

She keeps a diary of events and treatments in her life.

Reiki and Johnny Depp

I am going for a Reiki session tomorrow with my friend, Helen. I haven’t been to a session for a while now and am hoping I will find the positivity that has been lost due to the oncologists diagnosis on the 18th.
In the early evening I am going to see one of my favourite men, Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd”. My friends from work and I will go and see the film and then go out for a bite to eat.
I know Johnny will cheer me up, he always does.

A letter to Theo

Well….it is 2:59am and I have been woken up by my first night sweat. Not often I get these but with toothache aswell, the combination of the 2 disurbed my sleep.
Apparently, the night sweat rides alongside all the symptoms of Meso. Something else to look forward to no doubt!
I am also going through the menopause so it could be a hot flush…..Wow, I have a choice!!!

A lot of things are on my mind at the moment, formost is the diagnosis from the oncologist I saw on 18th Jan.
I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that Theo has grown (I am seriously thinking of sacking him as he is not fulfilling his part of the agreement) and the point of telling me in not so many words that I should accept the diagnosis and be grateful for what I have had as many people younger than me don’t get the life experiences I have.
Why should I be grateful? I don’t feel I should be grateful for having a disease that was given to me by a company that could have prevented it, My father should not have been grateful, infact, nobody should be grateful for being ill and wanting more than some person behind a desk decides as it is what they have read from a book and generalised about the patient.
I understand the tumour it has grown and I understand the consequences of that but it does contradict how I feel.
I am still walking as much as I did before and I have no pain and feel exactly the same.
I want to march into that office on July 4th and let the oncologist see that I am still in the same position I was on January 18th.

To Theo,
I am disappointed in you and am on the verge of dismissing you as you are not fulfilling your part of the contract.
This is a final warning, If you don’t pull your socks up and start behaving then I am afraid I will have to let you go.
It is unfortunate as we have been through so much since I discovered you and we have become quite close, It will be disappointing to lose you although our agreement should still stand, if you feel you cannot commit to the agreement, there are many other candidates who will be quite happy to step into your role and adhere to it.
You have 6 months to turn it around. I hope you can find it in yourself to support me as I have kept my side of the bargain and last of all, I hate goodbyes.
Debbie

Eye brow tattoo

I am gearing up to get my eyebrows tattooed on Thursday. I lost my eyebrows due to Alopecia around 6-8 months ago and have been drawing them on every morning. This is some times difficult when I am in a rush but it something I can’t do without as I feel naked without my eyebrows on.

I met a student in Plymouth city centre this morning as she is doing a university dissertation project and askedif I would talk to her as she is writing about a collection of “micro-biographies” which allows people the chance to tell their own stories in their own words.
I had a coffee and talked about myself for about an hour and then went to pick up my little son and took him to his friends house so his friends mum and I could chill out at a local garden centre.
We had a great time looking at yankee candles and all the things we would love in our houses/gardens which wouldn’t last long because of it being so busy.
We stayed longer than we anticipated and got a little telling off from her husband (He was ok about it really)
It was a good day with the sunshining and the lovely smell of fragrant flowers looming.
The children enjoyed themselves aswell.

Well done Hazards Journalists

Hazards magazine has done very well and got a big journalism award this week
(the Workworld Media Award for online journalism)
and they beat the BBC !!
It was presented at a very posh ceremony at the BAFTA HQ in London.
Rory O'neill,editor of Hazards online and Jawad Quasrawi accepted the award on behalf of all those who work on it.

http://www.hazards.org/

Rory said he dedicated the award to yours truly “for being such a great and inspiring fighter” which I thought was a wonderful thing to do.

Well done Rory and all involved
You deserve it.

http://www.theworkfoundation.com/aboutus/media/awardwinners2007a.aspx

Press release below :

http://www.theworkfoundation.com/aboutus/media/pressreleases/winnersoftheworkworldmediaawards0708announced.aspx

Another day

I am still upset about my cat and there is a great big space that was filled with so much love and loyalty that, one day, will be filled with the purr and fur of a new friend.
They will never replace the am azing friends we have lost but will hopefully help to heal the pain of their loss.
I am going to try and pick myself up and try hard to get back to where I was before I saw the oncologist last week.
Hearing all that news from the oncologist has made losing my friend worse. I know I have to pic myself up and get positive again.
My children are brilliant and mak e each day worth waking up to. Without them, I am not sure what I would do as I feel so miserable.
I need to turn all this negative into positive and will hopefully get back up when the ex starts to move out and we start dusting away the cobwebs built up in our lives.
We all need some sunshine in our lives now.

Heart break

I had to do one of the most upsetting things I will ever have to do in my life, I had to make a decision about Patch, She is so ill and it is cruel to allow her to continue on as she is.

She isn’t eating, cannot support herself and tries so hard to drag herself to her litter tray.

I took her back to the vets this morning, My friend, Helen, was a great support to me.

Patch’s kidneys had failed and there was nothing the vet could do to turn it around. She was so weak this morning that she didn’t even have enough energy to dispute being picked up and put in her cat box.

She has been such a wonderful friend and companion, she has always made sure I was hugged when I had a down day by making a point of getting on my lap and purring at my lowest moments.

I had to try and support her at one of her lowest moments. It was so heart breaking to make this decision.

To do one of the kindest things for her felt so awful and not wanting her to leave was being selfish. I couldn’t keep her going until she was ready as it would have been so undignified for her and she didn’t deserve that.
Something amazing happened when she was drifting off, the sun shone through the window over her and it felt so peaceful. The sun stayed out all day which did make it a liitle better to deal with as if it was raining it would have emulated more misery than already being suffered.

Patch,

My Friend, my faithful and loyal companion,
I hope you can forgive me as I did what I thought was right and stopped your suffering.
I miss you so much, my heart is breaking.
You were always there for me at my lowest ebb and I hope you can understand that the family and I only wanted what was best for you and to let you know it was alright to leave.

I hope you meet Tiger as we all know how much you missed him and never recovered from that loss. You will find my Dad who will love you as much as we did.

Be at peace dear friend and know that we all love you so much and miss you terribly.

I love you Poshie,

Always and forever,

Debbie x x

Coffee morning

Every Wednesday my son’s school has a coffee morning and they also have visitos in to talk about or discuss issues relavant to the parents.
This morning it was different as, like many times before, it was a reflexology session.
I had a foof massage which was lovely and had a chat with other parents about the issues of the day.
I saw my GP who is very understanding and he has given me a note for work. I am out for 2 weks to deal with adjustments in my life.
I had lunch at home with Rich, He always cheers me up and makes me smile, we were watching Dave channel on sky and T Rex came on. The lovely Marc Bolan was singing ‘get it on’ what a great song that is and what a great performer who was taken far too early.
My little cat,Patch, is still very ill. I am going to take her back to see the vet today and see what he can do. She isn’t eating a lot and is very weak. She is nearly 17 and has been such a great companion buthasn’t recovered since we lost our other cat, Tigereye, who died last September.

BBC "inside out" looking for Alimta refusal patient.

The BBC want to highlight the Alimta debate in their “inside out” documentary programme.
They are looking for someone who has recently been refused treatment to go on camera and discuss it.
Anyone interested can contact me and I will send on the details.
My email address is
Phu_phita@hotmail.com

Tired today

I had mt dental appointment this morning. It is a new surgery I am registering to. The dentist x-rayed my jaw and pointed out that there is decay (I have not been to the dentists for a while, a lot to do with finances at the time as findin an NHS denatl practice is like trying to find needle in a haystack)
The dentist very kindly put some very cold cotton wool on the affected tooth and started the throbbin g pain again (thanks Mrs dentist!)
I was then told by the receptionist that I would get the fillings done on 30th Jan…OVER A WEEK AWAY!!!!
Now I have bought some straws and will be very careful with hot and cold meals/drinks as when it hits the spot…..OUCH!!!
I am feeling so tired today as well due to Ladies problems. I feel so drained, exhausted, this may be due to the upset over the last few days as well.
I visited mt cousin today and it was good to hear someone elses problems for a change.
I am seeing my GP tomorrow and have a rieki session on 28th Jan which I am looking forward to.

Quiet day

It has been a quiet day for me today. I went to see my sister and went out to eat this evening with some friends from work. I don’t feel as down as I did yesterday and have got an appointment with my GP to see if I can take a few days off work to get back to how I felt. I will call McMillan nurses tomorrow and also get a Rieki session organised at my local mustard tree centre. I know that when I had the session before, it did help a lot.
The children have been very supportive and make me feel stronger every day.
I have found a new challenge, to walk into the appointment with my oncologist in July feeling as fit and well as I do now.
Let battle commence….!